Jesus loves me this I know. Debra Wants me this I know. My kids appreciate me this I know. My church encourages me this I know. My Life Group cares for me this I know. Everything else I know, I will share with you.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

How Change Happens Part 2

While pain is a great motivator to change, that change if its lasting, comes from the next step in change.

Through Much Prayer

But not your garden variety prayers like.....
God is great God is good let us thank Him for this food.
Dear God. mumble mumble, mumble sssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Dear Heavenly Father, At this present precious time of purposeful reflection upon the beauty of your majestic Holiness and the power of your purple mountains majesty, blah blah blah

My conversations with God started out with Great Commotion
I was Angry. Much of what I believed about God didn't add up.
People who said they were praying for me, never prayed WITH me.
God didn't seem to Care, Christians didn't seem to Care and yes I got angry.
     Where are you God?
     Why are you doing this to me?
     What did I not do? and what work do I need to do?
     Don't you see me God? Don't you care?
     Debra's Hurting every day Lord.
     She may not walk Again.
     Are you there?
     Where are those Christians who talk so much of Love?

Oh there were many more, things I am ashamed of that I said to God in my anger.

My Conversation changed to Great Crying
I am not ashamed to admit it.
But I spend many hours weeping over the pain.
I felt forsaken, I felt forgotten, I felt punished wrongly.
I had to watch my wife suffer in pain, my children suffer without her.
Why God?
Much of this time I sought a revelation.
and as the Third Day song says, I was trying to find my way, haven't got a clue, But I knew that I had nothing without You.

(This song has been played more than any other song in my I-Tunes and I cried through it even this morning)
I wanted to run, to leave this place of pain.
I even contemplated the benefits of death.

But I knew that I was wrong
and after a few years, yes years, my conversation changed to Great Conviction

One day, I don't even remember the day, but one day, Jesus came.
God came and let me know, He loved me.
God came to me in a time of prayer and spoke through the pain of my heart.
Though I yelled at Him, Though I contemplated leaving Him, Though I was unworthy of the God of the Heavens to take any time out of His life, God came to me.

And I saw how selfish I had been.
In the way I believed, in the way I worshipped, in the way I worked as a Pastor.

Standing before the Holy Father I was undone, I was uncovered.
and I repented.

Three years in the belly of the Whale, and through one act of Love by God, I was laying on the beach as He lovingly freed me from the bondage of the sin of my selfishness.

But there is another step to how change happens that I will share tomorrow.

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