This week Debra and I received some very disturbing news as two couples that are our friends, have split up. This was devastating because it was never expected as both of the couples seemed to be solid Christians as well as solid citizens. One was a pastor and the other a friend. The only real benefit was that it sparked some important conversation between Debra and myself and so this morning I want to share a few things from my heart for all couples.
1. If the Plan is to stay together, Meet each others emotional Needs.
I believe that the emotional needs of a couple are very different and very important.
For a man its that He needs to KNOW that he is Believed in. That the work He is doing is the best He can do and that YOU wife stand behind Him. The bible says in Ephesians that the wife is to Reverence her husband and this is clearly due to the needs of his heart to have at least ONE person in his life who thinks he is the Bomb.
For a woman its that she needs to KNOW that she is the most Valuable thing in his life. If the man talks more about his job or his hobby than he does about his wife, she knows that she is not as important. Again Ephesians says that a man is to Love his wife as himself meaning that her life is as valuable as his. Every woman needs a man to turn off the TV and look at her with the same intensity, leave work at work when he's with her, and listen to her heart as she speaks.
Do these things and your emotional needs will be met.
2. If the Plan is to stay together, Force yourself to go the extra mile.
I can see where after a long day it is so easy to slide into comfort mode. She needs a kiss, but shes OK right? I struggle with this the older I get which means its all the more important to force myself. My body says sit, my bride might need me to get up. My brain says shut down, my wife might need me to listen up. My bike (Harley) might say Start me Up, My Wife might ..........well you know what I mean. Its not that I am forced to go the extra mile by Debra, but I have to force my body to function beyond its own desires because according to 1 Corinthians its hers. (Chap 7)
3. If the Plan is to stay together, Fight for them.
Two things our culture is quick to do.
Divorce and Die.
We abort children by the loads, we accept suicide as a legal alternative, and we divorce over the dumbest things like Irreconcilable differences.
But if your going to stay together you must have a battle plan.
I am going to fight for my physical health so that I will have the energy to meet her needs.
I am going to fight for my financial health so that I will have the ability to meet her needs.
I am going to fight for my emotional health so that I will have the desire to meet her needs.
I don't want to wait until Ive lost her to fight to get her heart back.
I want to fight to keep her so that I NEVER lose her heart.
I don't ever want be that devastating news to others.
What is your plan to keep your marriage together?