This week Debra and I received some very disturbing news as two couples that are our friends, have split up. This was devastating because it was never expected as both of the couples seemed to be solid Christians as well as solid citizens. One was a pastor and the other a friend. The only real benefit was that it sparked some important conversation between Debra and myself and so this morning I want to share a few things from my heart for all couples.
1. If the Plan is to stay together, Meet each others emotional Needs.
I believe that the emotional needs of a couple are very different and very important.
For a man its that He needs to KNOW that he is Believed in. That the work He is doing is the best He can do and that YOU wife stand behind Him. The bible says in Ephesians that the wife is to Reverence her husband and this is clearly due to the needs of his heart to have at least ONE person in his life who thinks he is the Bomb.
For a woman its that she needs to KNOW that she is the most Valuable thing in his life. If the man talks more about his job or his hobby than he does about his wife, she knows that she is not as important. Again Ephesians says that a man is to Love his wife as himself meaning that her life is as valuable as his. Every woman needs a man to turn off the TV and look at her with the same intensity, leave work at work when he's with her, and listen to her heart as she speaks.
Do these things and your emotional needs will be met.
2. If the Plan is to stay together, Force yourself to go the extra mile.
I can see where after a long day it is so easy to slide into comfort mode. She needs a kiss, but shes OK right? I struggle with this the older I get which means its all the more important to force myself. My body says sit, my bride might need me to get up. My brain says shut down, my wife might need me to listen up. My bike (Harley) might say Start me Up, My Wife might ..........well you know what I mean. Its not that I am forced to go the extra mile by Debra, but I have to force my body to function beyond its own desires because according to 1 Corinthians its hers. (Chap 7)
3. If the Plan is to stay together, Fight for them.
Two things our culture is quick to do.
Divorce and Die.
We abort children by the loads, we accept suicide as a legal alternative, and we divorce over the dumbest things like Irreconcilable differences.
But if your going to stay together you must have a battle plan.
I am going to fight for my physical health so that I will have the energy to meet her needs.
I am going to fight for my financial health so that I will have the ability to meet her needs.
I am going to fight for my emotional health so that I will have the desire to meet her needs.
I don't want to wait until Ive lost her to fight to get her heart back.
I want to fight to keep her so that I NEVER lose her heart.
I don't ever want be that devastating news to others.
What is your plan to keep your marriage together?
OMGosh! James and I have been discussing and trying to do these very things, it's easy to get discouraged, it's easy to get tired, it's just to easy to say I just dont feel like it or I just cant,As a woman I have been praying that God helps me reverence my husband, pray for him, encourage him and prioritize, 1) is to put God number one and his place in our home where he needs to be, 2) to make time for him, (husband) listen to him, honor his choices he makes as a man and not rub it in his face when he makes a mistake, most of all pray for him, the Lord has helped me be more mindful to the million little things my husband does, not to focus on what he doesnt do, my appreciation for him as a person, husband and friend is so much more treasured.I never want to take him for granted, I never want to be the wife who bashes her husband to others or complains about her husband. I dont want to be so selfish that the only person I think about in our marriage is myself, I want to be the wife who fights for her husband and their relationship and not give room to the devil to destroy it. A marriage is worth fighting for. Pastor Thank you for these words of wisdom on your blog today, loved it loved it loved it! to often we take for granted the wonderful life we have. SJ
ReplyDeleteWe spend time together... Like when he goes fishing I take a book along to read so that he can enjoy what he loves to do and I can enjoy what I love to do and we can enjoy being with each other while doing our favorite things... ;) We also take turns doing what the other person likes to do I like to go to the beach James likes anything hunting or fishing... I think that by taking turns we are showing one another we care about what each other needs and likes to do...
ReplyDeleteHey Suzy, Don't you wish that we would have been more like James and Janae! You guys are going to have an awesome life together!
ReplyDeleteyes Pastor it's never to late to start,and I guess I better get my Harley gear in order I have a feeling we will be going some places this summer,(LOL) Im sure I can find places to shop even on a Harley trip (again LOL) absolutely love what Janae said, and she is so right, shes getting off to a great start.And what an example to others. SJ
Deletewell its supposed to be like that in every relationship isn't it?
ReplyDeleteI agree with this although 2 people have to want it. Have to be on the same page otherwise there is nothing to fight for. I had a long marriage that I alone tried day in and day out. Finally I ended it. I am lucky enough now to be married to a true partner. We don't go to your church but my family does and shared this. Thank you.
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