What do you do when you see something about yourself that you do not like but you believe that no matter what you do, you can't change it?
Like my genetics. I look just like my father did when he was my age.
Hair in the ears, growing gut, scruffy face.
Like my attitudes. I act just like my father and my brothers do.
As the baby of the family I have the scary ability to see how I am going to act when I get older on multiple levels.
Like Me. I am my father and my brothers.
I think like they do, I talk like they do, I limp like they do (hip problems)
and while I loved my father and look up to my brothers there are some things that I see in them that scares me a little.
My Father always had Hopes and Dreams and did some crazy things in his younger years, but once he hit 50 it seems as if he stopped acting on them. And my brothers (at least most of them) are following in his footsteps.
I have hopes and dreams but struggle with whether I want to pull the trigger on them or not. The craziest thing I do now is ride a Harley. Five years ago I moved to change this church from what I created it to be to something God created. I was fearless in my pursuit of Jesus and the best for His church. But I look at my family history and wonder, is wisdom comfort, and is it time to begin seeking a rocking chair and as my Brother would say, get out the cigars?
I also struggle with the fact that so many of the greatest things men accomplished for God were after 50.
Moses and Aaron
Joshua and Caleb
Daniel
Zacharias and Elizabeth
Paul
God used them not to maintain but to conquer more.
Psalm 92:12-15
The righteous flourish like the palm tree
and grow like a cedar in Lebanon.
13 They are planted in the house of the Lord;
they flourish in the courts of our God.
14 They still bear fruit in old age;
they are ever full of sap and green,
15 to declare that the Lord is upright;
he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.
The only thing holding me back is what I am full of.
Would you pray this verse for me today.
Ephesians 6: 18-20 Fill Me God
Pastor,
ReplyDeleteI want to give you an honest and heartfelt thanks for posting this. Of course I read it a couple weeks ago but I was in a mindset where I didn't want to face the reality that I was looking in a mirror of my own thoughts.
These past few months I have just been unhappy! I haven't been happy with who I am physically and internally. Lately I just feel burned out, and I know where Satan attacked it most which is in School. I know that school is something I have to do and it's right for the perfect person for the right time. But at this point in my life, I know that as I approach the fall term, if I am still having the same attitude as I do now, I'm really going to struggle and possibly take myself down further.
There are many things that I wish I could change about myself because I certainly don't see the beauty that Our Father sees, all I see is a long list of failures that I am quite a bit ashamed of.
I have found peace in my home with Christ, but internally I still struggle with being stubborn and that's what pulls me down. I realize now that depression is normal, it's something that one can fade in and out of time and time again but all that matters is that you keep your eyes on Him, but the way that the illness brings your body down is just heavy, so heavy it feels like your back is a solid concrete slab.
The funny thing is that yes I am in fact my father's daughter. NO I have never met my biological father, but the father I speak of is God. We are both set in our ways and we both believe we know what's right for me, only I see a different picture than He does, and often times I feel unworthy of the woman He's created so it scares me off of completely owning it.
My attitude of wanting to succeed comes from within me and is still very much present, but at this point I'm not getting what I need in order to go in Christ which is why I am trying to find a different avenue in order to pursue and achieve it.
The only thing holding me back is me and the falsified truths that I carry about myself because it's easier to accept as I look in the mirror verses seeing this extravagant looking woman that God sees.
So thank you Pastor,
Thank you.
and I will pray for you an extra prayer than I do already each day.
I praise God for you and DJ and I'm so blessed to have you a part of my life.